If you have seen, or are familiar with “The Lord of The Rings” trilogy, you will be aware of the character Frodo and his speech, from the last scenes of the third movie “The Return of the King”.
His words are some of the most poignant, for anyone who has been on a life changing journey or has had a life changing experience…
“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? There are some things time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep... and take hold”.
True and thoughtful words and such sentiments could be expressed when any relationship breakdowns, partner to partner, child to parent, friend to friend or when a loss is experienced through any separation or death. These words also ring true when experiencing any trauma, grief or significant life changing event as well.
Some of the threads can’t be picked up, they were well and truly part of that old fabric and as we know, for many reasons old garments sometimes just don’t fit right anymore, get holes in them and certainly don’t take us into the future and meet future needs or even end up useful in preparation for future journeys.
Some though, are precious and can be reworked with some strengthening and then incorporated and integrated.
Relationship breakdown, especially divorce and long term partnerships, are considered to be right up on the list of the most stressful issues of life, right up there with death of a partner or death of a child and really they are one in the same.
Often this will symbolise many things: Death of a family, death of hopes, death of dreams, death of the possibility of a resolution of many opposing beliefs and values.
With this dying, also comes the opportunity for exploring new ways of living in the world and redefining ones place in the world.
Interestingly, the wheat grain must go into the ground and actually die before it germinates and produces the new shoot.
There are powerful lessons to be learnt and there is wisdom to be gained from these journeys and even though it sounds simplistic, the keys outlined below can move you towards these new ways of living.
His words are some of the most poignant, for anyone who has been on a life changing journey or has had a life changing experience…
“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? There are some things time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep... and take hold”.
True and thoughtful words and such sentiments could be expressed when any relationship breakdowns, partner to partner, child to parent, friend to friend or when a loss is experienced through any separation or death. These words also ring true when experiencing any trauma, grief or significant life changing event as well.
Some of the threads can’t be picked up, they were well and truly part of that old fabric and as we know, for many reasons old garments sometimes just don’t fit right anymore, get holes in them and certainly don’t take us into the future and meet future needs or even end up useful in preparation for future journeys.
Some though, are precious and can be reworked with some strengthening and then incorporated and integrated.
Relationship breakdown, especially divorce and long term partnerships, are considered to be right up on the list of the most stressful issues of life, right up there with death of a partner or death of a child and really they are one in the same.
Often this will symbolise many things: Death of a family, death of hopes, death of dreams, death of the possibility of a resolution of many opposing beliefs and values.
With this dying, also comes the opportunity for exploring new ways of living in the world and redefining ones place in the world.
Interestingly, the wheat grain must go into the ground and actually die before it germinates and produces the new shoot.
There are powerful lessons to be learnt and there is wisdom to be gained from these journeys and even though it sounds simplistic, the keys outlined below can move you towards these new ways of living.
- Re-establish some safety and normalcy: engage in safe friendships and support networks, if there are children involved maintain as much normalcy and predictability as possible, take care of needs like sleeping, eating, exercising and hygiene, don’t make the demands too great on you or others…Attend to the basics.
- Grieve the losses: value the lessons this period might yield, accept responsibility and determine, as much as possible, to honestly look at the part you played. Experience your emotions and see tears as healing, anger as protective, with something more vulnerable underneath that is the object of protection and sadness as the turn of the tide…Be curious about what this is about at a deeper level and also kind to self, talking and soothing yourself as you would a dear friend.
- Reconnect with yourself and others: start exploring again, learn something new, engage in something maybe much dreamt about...but long hidden, laugh and move towards laughter and whatever brings joy…Dare to dream again.
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