In intimate adult relationships, we often claim that ‘if only’ our partner would change their behaviour or act in a different way, the relationship would be better, but often if they attempt to satisfy the request, they are met with behaviour that quickly puts an end to the much wished for behaviour being repeated.
For instance, a partner may make the request, “Be open, not closed to me”, but when the partner is open, which involves vulnerability, the requesting partner reacts negatively, as if this openness is a sign of weakness or there is some ulterior motive to it.
Another situation might be when a partner requests “Be truthful with me”, but when the partner is truthful, the honesty is just too much honesty and not what the requesting partner had wished for.
Another even better one is, “I want you to accept me unconditionally”, but when the first infraction occurs in their partner, the requesting partner will not reciprocate with the same unconditional acceptance as was requested.
These paradoxes make it hard to move forward and mean that couples often remain stuck in the mire of their difficulties, unable to move on or to even reach the closeness in the relationship that they profess to desire.
The aim of couple’s therapy is to work on reducing sensitivities, whilst improving the couple’s responses to each other, all without violating the core values of each partner, or their deeply held principles.
Relationships can be the source of healing and growth for long held hurts, as long as each partner is prepared to take a step towards patience and understanding.
It’s often about being the change you’d like to see in your relationship.
For instance, a partner may make the request, “Be open, not closed to me”, but when the partner is open, which involves vulnerability, the requesting partner reacts negatively, as if this openness is a sign of weakness or there is some ulterior motive to it.
Another situation might be when a partner requests “Be truthful with me”, but when the partner is truthful, the honesty is just too much honesty and not what the requesting partner had wished for.
Another even better one is, “I want you to accept me unconditionally”, but when the first infraction occurs in their partner, the requesting partner will not reciprocate with the same unconditional acceptance as was requested.
These paradoxes make it hard to move forward and mean that couples often remain stuck in the mire of their difficulties, unable to move on or to even reach the closeness in the relationship that they profess to desire.
The aim of couple’s therapy is to work on reducing sensitivities, whilst improving the couple’s responses to each other, all without violating the core values of each partner, or their deeply held principles.
Relationships can be the source of healing and growth for long held hurts, as long as each partner is prepared to take a step towards patience and understanding.
It’s often about being the change you’d like to see in your relationship.